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<title>I Wont Fall (Unless You Ask Me Too) by Anewhope303</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29423103">I Wont Fall (Unless You Ask Me Too)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anewhope303/pseuds/Anewhope303'>Anewhope303</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Femslash February 2021 [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Bittersweet Ending, Character Study, Descent into Madness, F/F, Fem!Reylo, Female Ben Solo, Female Kylo Ren, Gaylo, Heavy Angst, I'm Bad At Tagging, Insanity, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Lesbians in Space, Rule 63, Suicidal Thoughts, The Force, cosmic horror, does it count as burying your gays if i consume them instead?, eldrich abomination rey, f/f reylo, force void rey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:48:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>990</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29423103</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anewhope303/pseuds/Anewhope303</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>the thing that haunts her isnt rey anymore, but when Kylo closes her eyes, she can almost pretend </p><p>or, some spooky eldrich fem!reylo angst inspired by the works of kimaracretak. i tried to writs some valentines fluff but im allergic to good feelings aperantly</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Femslash February 2021 [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2136930</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Wont Fall (Unless You Ask Me Too)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimaracretak/gifts">kimaracretak</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>title from steamroller by pheobe bridgers</p><p>so, ive been feeling generally unsatisfied with the current state of reylo fanfic, and i think that theres a lot of untapped potential in the cosmic horror and the force department, as well as in the gay reylo department. this is also a mess that i started at midnight and will likely be very conveluted</p><p> i wouldnt call this darkfic, but it is not particularly healthy either, seeing as kylo is litterally holding onto something thats slowly killing her just because it used to be rey</p><p>so, happy valentines day guys?</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There were whispers amongst the troops from the very beginning that Kylo Ren was insane. It was only natural that rumors spread about the mysterious dark figure rarely seen outside of the battlefield, who cut down anyone who opposed her with uncontrollable fury and wielded a mysterious power that no one understood.</p><p>For a long time it was just that, a rumor spread by bored stormtroopers to scare new cadets.</p><p>While her grip on sanity was always tenuous, there were motivations to keep her on track. Kill Skywalker. Finish what grandfather started. Survive another day more in the hell that was her mind. </p><p>Her master's voice pushed her forward, kept her climbing higher, kept the bodies piling up until it all came crumbling down.</p><p>Kylo can feel herself slipping now. A sick part of her misses Snoke's voice in her head, with the little bit of order that he brought to her mind gone, everything else went with it. Now the blood won't come off her hands no matter how hard she scrubs, and everytime she lets her guard down she can hear the screams that died in their throats long ago.</p><p>Now there’s no rumor any more. The haunting wails coming from her chambers all but prove it.</p><p>It's a terrible price to pay for outliving them all. The resistance died when their general died and their jedi disappeared. She felt both of them like a knife to the heart, sending her further into madness and grief. She killed Hux soon after, before he could see the wreck she was and start plotting the most convenient assasination attempt. She never really expected to live past twenty five, never prepared herself for being the last woman standing at thirty three.</p><p>Well, that's not quite true. Rey is still there, will always be there in a way. </p><p>But the thing that haunts her isn't the girl who first broke her to pieces anymore.</p><p>It may talk in her sweet voice, but it seemed to have outlived her body's usefulness and discarded it like a snake shedding its skin. She knows this thing hasn't been her scavenger for years now, that it's slowly killing her, torturing her with soft pleas for her surrender to the hungry maw of the shadow force, as she calls it, but she can’t, won’t bring herself to try to escape from its clutches</p><p>Maybe Rey was always just the unknown side of the force trapped inside freckled skin and doe eyes, and she had been too blinded by love to see it. There was a time where Rey had been something that could love her back as well. She holds the memory of pink lips, gentle touches, and miraculous laughter close to whatever she has left of a heart. They ache like a phantom limb, always reminding her of what she lost, and the dark parody that remains.</p><p>It's funny how the memories are what keeps her tied to the mortal plane, but also make it so much harder to resist the shadow that speaks in her voice.<br/>
Today, Kylo stands in the midst of her ruined chambers, having gained a bit of lucidity after a fit of madness. She feels empty, hollow, devoid of anything but the lingering presence of the shadow growing stronger. She stares at her reflection in the viewport, then briefly considers smashing it to pieces along with the rest of her furniture before snapping out of it.</p><p>“God Breha, you look like hell” the dark shadows that sound like her come to a vaguely humanoid form next to her, unnerving white eyes standing out against the black. </p><p>“I suppose I just got back,” she says, gesturing lightly at the destruction. The shadow is right, she’s a mess of bloodshot eyes and unkempt raven hair, and she hasn't slept since a week ago, when she dreamt of bloody hands dragging her down to who knows where. “Why are you here?”</p><p>“I miss you, love. It's terribly lonely here and I need you with me.” her voice takes on the tender pleading quality that it did back when she was begging her to hold on instead of letting go.</p><p>“No. Please, don't make me” it comes out as a whisper, but the tears streaming down her face show just how much her pleas weaken her resolve.</p><p>The shadow’s head cocks to the side, its eyes curious. “Would it really be that bad? I know how much it tears you apart to keep fighting. Please Brey, you know you can't escape me, just surrender to it” Its hand comes up to wipe away the tears, and Kylo leans into the ephemeral caress despite herself, even though she can feel more of her soul being leached away with every touch. </p><p>The shadow smiles, small pointed teeth gleaming in the low light. It's not malicious as it is sad, despite what it's asking of her, and Kylo thinks that maybe Rey’s really still in there somewhere, feeling just as hollow as she is.</p><p>Suddenly she’s aware of just how tired of resisting she is. The shadow can feel it too, as it takes her bloodstained hands into its barely corporeal ones.</p><p>“You told me I wasn't alone. We never have to be lonely ever again if you just let go”</p><p>She closes her eyes and imagines that the voice is still in her body, that she can see the empires housed in her hazel eyes shine as their hands weave themselves together.</p><p>Her resolve shatters once and for all. She nods her assent while blinking back tears.</p><p>“Ok. i'll go with you” the shadow’s eyes shine as it wraps its arms around her, burying its face in the crook of her neck like Rey used to do. As her eyes slowly fall shut for the last time and her body grows colder, she thinks she hears the shadow whisper to her for the last time.</p><p>“Thank you”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>so you made it to the end. what did you think? this was a very experimental, and i would love it if you could tell me what i did well and give me constructive criticism. also leave kudos too, if you have the time.</p><p>happy valentines day</p></blockquote></div></div>
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